Exercises For Chapter 8: Reflective Listening 685177

Exercises For Chapter 8exercises Iii Reflective Listeningreflective L

People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings. Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

Part I: Reflective Listening I

1. “When I was in court, the defense attorney really pounded me. You know, like he thought I was lying or didn’t believe me or thought I was exaggerating.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

2. “Those dirty, lousy creeps! Everything was fine in my life, and they really, really ruined everything! I don’t care if I go on or not. Why live if someone can just take everything away from you in one night?”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

3. “I know you said this is temporary housing and all, but I never had a place like this place. I can’t stand to think I have to move again sometime, and God knows where I’ll go.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

4. “This whole setup is the pits. He gets to stay in the house after beating me half to death, and I have to go to this cramped little room. Does that make sense?”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

Part II: Reflective Listening II

1. “Sometimes it kind of makes me sick to think of all the stuff I did when I was drinking. I’d like to go and take it all back, but how do you ever do that?”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

2. “I just can’t go out in the car. All I hear is the screech of tires and the awful thud and scrape of metal. I thought I was dying. I can see it all before me as if it was yesterday.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

3. “We have a neighborhood problem here! Yes we do! A real big idiot lives in that house. A real nut! He trimmed my own yard with a string trimmer and threw stones all over my car. Ruined the paint!”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

4. “I never meant to get pregnant. I know everyone says that, but I didn’t! I can’t think straight. What about my job and school and all my plans? I feel sick. I feel all the time like I’m going to faint.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

Part III: Reflective Listening III

1. “I can tell you now, I just can’t go back there. I just feel as if my husband will kill me one of these times.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

2. “I can’t stand those people! They made fun of that retarded kid night and day. I hope they get theirs!”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

3. “I’ve been clean for 8 months! If you had told me this would happen a year ago, I’d have laughed in your face.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

4. “When I was a little kid, my mom and dad got along okay, but now they fight all the time, and my mother says my dad is on drugs and has a girlfriend. Home is like hell.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

Part IV: Reflective Listening IV

1. “When I took that test, it was really hard. And I guess I was nervous. I mean, I couldn’t think of any of the answers.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

2. “Those guys are lousy! They’re always snickering and making fun of other people, especially people who have a disability. They make me sick!”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

3. “I know Jim said we could be buddies at swim practice, but I’m probably not as good a swimmer as he is. I feel sort of silly trying to swim with him. Maybe he would like to have a better buddy.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

4. “This whole setup sucks. This other guy gets the tutor, and the teacher tells me to go home and see if my mother can tutor me. She never had this math. Math isn’t even her thing. Does that make sense?”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

Part V: Reflective Listening V

1. “Well, every time I go off my meds, I get kind of crazy. My minister is really putting the pressure on me to quit and let God take over my illness.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

2. “The people at the halfway house are so nice to me, compared to the way things were with my family.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

3. “You have some nerve, having the therapist see my son every week for 6 months, and then you refuse to tell me more than ‘he’s doing better.’ How do I know he’s doing better?”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

4. “I’ve been on the streets since 1972, and I never slept inside a night until now. I don’t know, I just can’t seem to stay out like I used to without getting this cough.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

Part VI: Reflective Listening VI

1. “I can’t believe I was that intoxicated! I just don’t believe it. Their gizmo must have been broken or something. I just didn’t drink that much and I wouldn’t be driving if I had!”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

2. “You don’t expect us to take Alfred into our home, do you? He is very mentally ill—tore up the house several times. I really—well, I know he’s my son, but I just can’t deal with the way he’s been in the past.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

3. “I can tell you what scares me most. It’s being by myself at the house one night and having him come back. I don’t know if I can go on living there.”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

4. “I just can’t go to class. Not after making a fool of myself the last time. I got every answer wrong when the teacher called on me, and people were making fun... It was terrible!”

   FEELING: Empathic Response:

Paper For Above instruction

Reflective listening is a vital communication skill that emphasizes understanding and empathizing with the emotions behind a person's words. It fosters trust, validation, and a deeper connection between interlocutors, especially when addressing sensitive issues. The exercises provided serve as practical tools to enhance one’s ability to identify underlying feelings and respond empathetically, thereby improving interpersonal communication, particularly in helping professions, counseling, or conflict resolution scenarios.

In the initial set of statements, the focus is on recognizing core emotional states, such as frustration, despair, or anger. For example, when a person states, “When I was in court, the defense attorney really pounded me,” the feeling of being judged, perhaps feeling misunderstood or attacked, can be inferred as frustration or humiliation. An empathic response like “It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and hurt by what happened in court” acknowledges these emotions and opens the door for deeper dialogue.

Similarly, expressions of despair, anger, or helplessness are identified in the subsequent examples. When someone says, “Those dirty, lousy creeps!... Why live if someone can just take everything away from you,” their feelings could be interpreted as depression or hopelessness. An appropriate empathic response would be, “It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and hopeless about what happened,” which not only recognizes their emotional state but also shows understanding and support.

The subsequent exercises in Parts II through VI build upon this foundation, encouraging responders to recognize more nuanced feelings such as guilt, fear, or shame. For instance, in Part II, someone states, “Sometimes it kind of makes me sick to think of all the stuff I did when I was drinking,” indicating regret or shame. An empathetic reply like “It sounds like you're feeling really guilty and distressed about your past actions,” acknowledges the remorse while offering validation.

Part III’s statements reveal feelings of fear, concern, or protectiveness. For example, “I just feel as if my husband will kill me one of these times,” clearly signals fear. A response might be, “It seems like you're feeling very scared and unsafe,” which validates their experience. Recognizing these feelings helps facilitate supportive conversations and can be the first step toward problem-solving or seeking assistance.

In Part IV, statements about personal struggles with testing anxiety, social maladjustment, or academic frustrations are evident. Responses such as “It sounds like you're feeling anxious and embarrassed,” can help the speaker feel understood and reduce their emotional burden. This process of reflective listening emphasizes not just the words spoken but the emotional undercurrent.

Part V involves discussions about mental health, recovery, and self-esteem. Recognizing feelings such as hopefulness or despair is crucial. For example, “I’ve been on the streets since 1972, and I never slept inside a night until now” expresses a mixture of longing for stability and vulnerability. An appropriate response might be, “It sounds like you're feeling hopeful about your new situation but also anxious about maintaining stability,” which captures these complex emotions.

The exercises in Part VI focus on denial, fear, and shame, common in substance abuse or mental health contexts. When someone says, “I just don’t believe I was that intoxicated,” they might be in denial or attempting to minimize their feelings. Validating these feelings with responses like “It sounds like you're feeling confused and in denial about what happened,” can promote openness and honesty.

Overall, these exercises highlight the importance of attentive listening and empathy in effective communication. By accurately identifying feelings and responding compassionately, communicators can foster greater trust, facilitate healing, and promote positive behavioral change. Mastery of reflective listening is a fundamental skill for counselors, social workers, teachers, and anyone invested in constructive and empathetic engagement with others.

References

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