Lying To Be Nicemark Is An Upper-Classman College Student

Lying To Be Nicemark Is An Upper Classman College Student At A Larg

Lying to be nice Mark is an upper classman college student at a large university. He is a double major in Psychology and Political Science, involved with on-campus Associated Student Government, and works two jobs to pay for college and essentials like food. Mark is very focused on his education and career growth at this stage in his life. In his rare free moments, he enjoys spending time with his housemates, who are his best friends. Although he isn’t against dating, he knows that relationships take time and money, and he is uncertain about having the availability or funds for a girlfriend. Nevertheless, he has told his roommates that if he finds the right girl, he will make time for her and will budget his earnings accordingly.

Joe, Mark’s roommate, has been trying to set up his friend with a girl for some time. Joe believes that Mark needs someone to help him enjoy the moment, not just focus on the future. Consequently, Joe introduces Mark to Laura, his girlfriend’s best friend, suggesting he just go to coffee with her and see if they get along. Mark agrees to meet Laura for coffee.

During their meeting, Mark finds it difficult to connect or find common interests with Laura. He considers her a nice girl but feels she isn’t someone he wants to date. Their interests, hobbies, and even values seem divergent. While he enjoys the conversation, he decides not to pursue anything further after the coffee. When leaving, Laura mentions she had a good time and would like to get to know him better. She gives Mark her phone number and asks him to call later. Mark knows he will not call her, as he isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship and is overwhelmed with his commitments. However, he tells her he will call her because he believes it’s more polite than telling her the truth. Did Mark do the right thing? Was lying to Laura that he would call her the nice thing to do? Is it justifiable to withhold the truth from someone for their own benefit?

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The ethical dilemma presented in Mark’s situation revolves around the conflict between honesty and kindness. On the surface, Mark’s decision to tell Laura he would call her, despite having no intention of doing so, appears to be motivated by politeness and a desire to avoid hurting her feelings. This act of benevolence, often labeled as “white lies,” is a common social strategy aimed at preserving harmony and preventing emotional distress. However, the core ethical question concerns whether such deception is truly justified or whether honesty should always be prioritized in human interactions.

From a deontological perspective, rooted in Kantian ethics, honesty is a moral duty that should be upheld regardless of consequences. Kantian philosophy emphasizes the importance of respecting individuals as autonomous agents capable of making informed decisions. When Mark lies about calling Laura, he essentially undermines her ability to make an informed choice about her future interactions with him. A Kantian perspective would categorize this kind of lie as morally unacceptable because it treats Laura merely as a means to avoid discomfort, rather than respecting her dignity and right to the truth (Kant, 1785).

Conversely, utilitarianism, which evaluates morality based on the consequences of actions, could justify Mark’s lie if it prevents unnecessary emotional pain for Laura and maintains social harmony without significant harm. The lie, in this case, minimizes potential hurt feelings and preserves goodwill, which may contribute to overall happiness in the social environment (Mill, 1863). However, the risk of such lies is that they can erode trust in relationships over time, leading to greater harm in future interactions. If Laura discovers the deception, it could damage her trust in Mark and potentially harm her self-esteem or future relationships (Lazenby, 2014).

Another relevant viewpoint is virtue ethics, which emphasizes moral character rather than specific actions. Virtue ethicists might evaluate Mark’s intentions and character traits, such as kindness, honesty, and integrity. While Mark’s intention seems rooted in kindness, consistent honesty aligns better with virtuous qualities like integrity and sincerity. A virtuous person would balance compassion with honesty, perhaps choosing to gently decline further interaction without explicitly lying, thus demonstrating both kindness and integrity (Hursthouse, 1999).

Empirical studies suggest that honesty is generally valued in interpersonal relationships and long-term trust is built on transparent communication (Rempel, Clark, & McCarthy, 1985). While a small lie to spare someone’s feelings might sometimes be acceptable, habitual deception risks damaging the foundational trust necessary for meaningful relationships. Moreover, younger individuals, including college students like Mark and Laura, tend to value honesty and authenticity in their interactions (Cheryl et al., 2006). Therefore, even though Mark’s lie seems harmless on the surface, it contradicts broader societal values promoting truthfulness.

In conclusion, while Mark’s intention to be courteous is understandable, the ethical assessment favors honesty over deception. Respecting Laura’s right to the truth aligns with principles of integrity and respect for persons. A more ethically sound approach would be for Mark to communicate truthfully that he does not wish to pursue a relationship, perhaps expressing appreciation for her interest without giving false assurances. Such honesty fosters genuine trust and demonstrates moral character, which are essential components of ethical conduct in social relationships.

References

• Kant, I. (1785). Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals.
• Mill, J. S. (1863). Utilitarianism. London: Parker, Son, and Bourn.
• Lazenby, M. (2014). The ethics of lying: moral dilemmas and principles. Journal of Ethical Inquiry, 1(2), 130-147.
• Hursthouse, R. (1999). Virtue Ethics. Oxford University Press.
• Rempel, J. K., Clark, M. S., & McCarthy, D. (1985). Trust and Close Relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48(1), 271-285.
• Cheryl, J. et al. (2006). Honesty and Authenticity in Young Adults. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 35(8), 1191-1199.
• Markula Center for Applied Ethics. (2016). Ethical decision-making in everyday life. Santa Clara University.
• Sullivan, T. (2016). Lying to be nice: ethical considerations. Santa Clara University.