Skills For Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila

Skills For Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU

According to Joanne Davila, relationship competence is defined as the set of skills and abilities that enable individuals to establish, maintain, and improve healthy romantic relationships. She emphasizes that relationship competence involves understanding oneself, effectively communicating with a partner, and managing conflicts constructively. These skills collectively contribute to the overall health and longevity of romantic partnerships.

The three skills that comprise the relationship competence model, as outlined by Davila, are:

1. Self-awareness: Recognizing one's own emotions, needs, and boundaries within a relationship.
2. Communication skills: The ability to express oneself clearly and listen actively to a partner.
3. Conflict management: Handling disagreements in a constructive, respectful manner without escalating negativity.

Davila states that healthy relationships are characterized by mutual respect, effective communication, and the ability to resolve conflicts in ways that strengthen the bond. Conversely, unhealthy relationships often involve poor communication, disrespect, and unresolved conflicts that cause emotional distance and dissatisfaction.

The author's thesis is that most failed relationships stem from a lack of relationship competence rather than external circumstances or incompatibility. She argues that improving these core skills can significantly enhance relationship outcomes. Davila suggests that many relationships fail because individuals lack the necessary skills to navigate the complexities of intimacy and emotional connection, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts that are not effectively managed.

Reflecting on a personal relationship that deteriorated, I recognize that applying the three skills could have altered its course. Enhancing self-awareness might have helped me better understand my own emotional triggers and needs, preventing misunderstandings. Developing stronger communication skills would have enabled me to express my feelings more clearly and listen more empathetically. Lastly, mastering conflict management would have allowed us to address disagreements without letting them escalate into damaging arguments. Together, these skills could have fostered a more respectful and understanding environment, potentially saving the relationship from decline.

References

• Davila, J. (2019). Skills for a healthy relationship: TEDxSBU. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXXXXX
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