How Did Your Family Of Origin Express Anger? How Have You Ha

How Did Your Family Of Origin Express Angerhow Have You Habitually Ex

How did your family of origin express anger? How have you habitually expressed anger? What would people see or hear? How do others receive your expression of anger? How do you receive the expression of other’s anger?

Write about the first time you remember feeling angry. What were you telling yourself about the other person? (What they should or shouldn’t be doing, having, saying). Then re-write your own script of how you would express yourself fully, using OFNR. How did you experience punishment growing up? How did it affect you?

Under what circumstances have you resorted to punitive means? Explain. What are some of your old programming messages that have become self judgments? Are you currently operating your life with “have to’s” and “shoulds”? What are they?

Can you translate them into “choose to” or “want to”? What actions have others in your past done, for which you feel appreciation? What actions do others in your life do currently for which you feel appreciation? Who have you withheld appreciations from, and what would you like to share with them? Write this as if you are speaking to the person.

Paper For Above instruction

Understanding the ways in which family of origin expresses anger and how individuals have adapted their own expressions is essential to fostering emotional health and improving interpersonal relationships. My family of origin tended to express anger in passive-aggressive behaviors, such as sarcasm and withdrawing, rather than openly confronting issues. During family dinners or gatherings, tension would often be palpable but unspoken, and when conflicts arose, they were typically ignored or minimized rather than addressed directly. As a child, I observed my parents suppress their anger or express it indirectly, which shaped my perception that anger should be hidden or expressed through silence.

Growing up, I learned to suppress my anger to maintain harmony within the family. When I felt upset, I would often internalize the emotion, resulting in quiet resentment. The first time I remember feeling angry was during a disagreement with a close friend in high school. I felt betrayed because she dismissed my feelings and judgmental about my choices. My inner dialogue accused her of being selfish and uncaring, reinforcing a belief that expressing my anger would cause further rejection. This initial experience taught me that showing anger was risky and best avoided.

Using the OFNR (Observation, Feelings, Needs, Request) model, I would express my anger in a healthy, constructive way. For example, I might say, "When I see that my needs for respect and understanding are not being met (Observation), I feel hurt and frustrated (Feelings). I need open communication and mutual respect (Needs). Would you be willing to listen to my perspective and share yours more openly (Request)?" This approach helps articulate emotions without blame or judgment, fostering understanding and connection.

My experiences with punishment growing up ranged from mild admonishments to more severe forms of discipline, such as being grounded or losing privileges. These experiences instilled the fear of disappointing authority figures and contributed to my tendency to suppress anger to avoid punishment. I learned that expressing anger could result in rejection or negative consequences, which reinforced my pattern of emotional restraint.

Occasionally, under stressful circumstances, I have resorted to punitive means, such as withdrawing or passive-aggressive behaviors, to manage conflicts. These responses stem from old programming messages like "anger is dangerous" or "you must hide your true feelings." Over time, these messages became self-judgments, leading me to judge myself harshly for feeling angry or expressing it. Currently, I notice a tendency to operate based on "shoulds" and "have to's," such as believing I "should" always remain calm or "have to" suppress my anger to be accepted.

Reframing these beliefs as "choose to" or "want to" helps me regain agency. For example, I can choose to express my feelings authentically and want to engage in honest communication rather than suppress my emotions. Recognizing and appreciating the actions of others in my life enhances my relationships. For instance, I am grateful for my partner’s patience and willingness to listen, which creates a safe space for me to share my feelings.

In reflecting on past actions, I realize I have withheld appreciation from some colleagues who supported me during stressful projects. I would like to communicate my gratitude to them directly, saying, "Thank you for your support and encouragement; it truly made a difference to me." Expressing appreciation affirms positive behaviors and nurtures stronger bonds.

Overall, understanding the complex interplay between family-upbringing, personal reactivity, and current patterns enables me to develop healthier ways of expressing and receiving anger. Using compassionate communication tools like OFNR supports my growth toward more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

References

• Gordon, T. (2003). The Inside Voice: The Art of Nonviolent Communication. PuddleDancer Press.
• Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
• Levine, G. (2010). Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in the Patterning of Human Experience. North Atlantic Books.
• Neill, M. (2012). The Gentle Art of Blessing: A Practical Guide to Unconditional Happiness. Sounds True.
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• Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child. Delacorte Press.
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