Opinion Letter March 29 To The Editor

Opinion Letter Mar 29letter To The Editor March 29 2013 By Sus

Opinion Letter Mar 29letter To The Editor March 29 2013 By Sus

OPINION | Letter | Mar. 29 Letter to the Editor: March 29, 2013 By Susan A. Patton — Guest Contributor Published: Friday, March 29th, 2013 Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out — here’s what you really need to know that nobody is telling you. For years (decades, really) we have been bombarded with advice on professional advancement, breaking through that glass ceiling and achieving work-life balance. We can figure that out — we are Princeton women. If anyone can overcome professional obstacles, it will be our brilliant, resourceful, very well-educated selves. A few weeks ago, I attended the Women and Leadership conference on campus that featured a conversation between President Shirley Tilghman and Wilson School professor Anne-Marie Slaughter, and I participated in the breakout session afterward that allowed current undergraduate women to speak informally with older and presumably wiser alumnae. I attended the event with my best friend since our freshman year in 1973. You girls glazed over at preliminary comments about our professional accomplishments and the importance of networking. Then the conversation shifted in tone and interest level when one of you asked how have Kendall and I sustained a friendship for 40 years. You asked if we were ever jealous of each other. You asked about the value of our friendship, about our husbands and children. Clearly, you don’t want any more career advice. At your core, you know that there are other things that you need that nobody is addressing. A lifelong friend is one of them. Finding the right man to marry is another. When I was an undergraduate in the mid-seventies, the 200 pioneer women in my class would talk about navigating the virile plains of Princeton as a precursor to professional success. Never being one to shy away from expressing an unpopular opinion, I said that I wanted to get married and have children. It was seen as heresy. For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you. Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there. I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you. Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them. And, you could choose to marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you. Here is another truth that you know, but nobody is talking about. As freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of incoming freshman men. So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have four classes of women to choose from. Maybe you should have been a little nicer to these guys when you were freshmen? If I had daughters, this is what I would be telling them. Susan A. Patton ’77 President of the Class of 1977 New York, N.Y.

Paper For Above instruction

The essay focuses on the perspective of a Princeton alumna, Susan A. Patton, who offers unsolicited advice to young women students at Princeton University concerning relationships, marriage, and social dynamics during their undergraduate years. Her primary message emphasizes the importance of securing a marriage with an intelligent, compatible partner while still in college, highlighting her views on intellectual equality, gender expectations, and societal norms related to dating and marriage prospects in a highly selective academic environment. The narrative underscores traditional gender roles and advocates for strategic social positioning early in university life to maximize future romantic options, framing personal success largely through marriage and social compatibility.

In her letter, Patton reflects on her own experiences and societal observations, emphasizing that for women, especially in the context of elite educational institutions like Princeton, personal fulfillment and societal success are closely linked to marriage with a partner of equal or greater intelligence. She discusses the limited dating pool as students progress through their college years and suggests that women should prioritize finding a husband on campus before graduation. Her advice also lightly touches upon the value of long-term friendships and the social realities of dating markets as women age and the student body demographic shifts.

This perspective presents a traditional view on gender roles and relationships, asserting that a woman’s academic excellence and social adeptness should be complemented by strategic romantic choices made during college years. It underscores societal expectations that marriage and partnership are crucial for women’s happiness and success, especially within the context of an Ivy League environment. The author’s tone combines personal anecdote, societal critique, and pragmatic advice, offering insight into the social norms and gender dynamics prevalent at the time of her writing, which reflect broader cultural attitudes toward women’s roles in society and the importance of strategic mating choices during young adulthood.

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