Part One: Compose A Message To The Author Of The Sample ✓ Solved

Part One compose A Message To The Author Of The Sample

Part One: Compose a message to the author of the sample paper, providing helpful advice for revising this draft. You do not have to respond to every element covered by the workshop questions, but the more helpful feedback you can provide, the better! What do you think this author needs to know?

Part Two: After reading several of your classmates' reviews, choose two to respond to. As a reply to each thread, give feedback on the feedback: Compare your feedback to your peer's. Comment on the feedback. What did your peer do well? What did you like about not just the advice that was presented, but the way it was presented?

Paper For Above Instructions

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing your draft of the essay. It is evident that you have invested considerable thought into the topics of tribalism and information processing as discussed in Julie Beck’s article. Below are several points of feedback I believe could help enhance your essay upon revision.

Clarity and Detail Enhancement

One of the main areas I noticed that could benefit from enhancement is the introduction, particularly the first paragraph. While the anecdote about your boyfriend’s political stance is engaging, it feels a bit brief. I suggest elaborating on your personal experience and integrating it more deeply with the concepts introduced in Beck’s article. This could include defining tribalism more explicitly and establishing the context for why this discussion is relevant. A more detailed introduction can engage readers emotionally and intellectually, helping them to understand your perspective and the significance of your argument.

Thesis Statement Development

Regarding your thesis statement, it may require a bit more clarity. Presenting a concise argument that summarizes the core essence of your essay can greatly enhance its effectiveness. Aim to articulate exactly what you intend to prove or discuss throughout the paper. A well-crafted thesis can guide your readers and set a clear expectation for the flow of your discussion.

Structural Suggestions

Your reference to Beck’s points was insightful, but additional explanation of these concepts could solidify your argument further. Each concept discussed in the article deserves a dedicated exploration section within your essay. Consider structuring your paragraphs to detail Beck's ideas with supporting examples from contemporary events or personal observations that could make your essay relatable.

Examples and Evidence

While your essay includes great references to videos and research, some examples felt rushed and underdeveloped. Instead of providing a series of ideas quickly, I suggest expanding on each example, perhaps by including more nuanced observations or further research findings. For instance, when discussing Nathan’s behavior in the flat earth debate, consider discussing the psychological underpinnings of motivated reasoning in more depth, while illustrating how this concept manifests in modern society. This may require additional research, but it will strengthen your overall argument considerably.

Conclusion Development

The absence of a conclusion is particularly striking. Concluding paragraphs are crucial for reinforcing the main argument of your essay while stirring your readers to reflect on your insights. A possible approach is to encourage readers to confront the tribal thinking they may encounter in their lives and suggest ways to engage with these ideas productively. Potentially propose how one might communicate with those who hold opposing views without resorting to conflict.

Friendliness and Openness

Your writing style is conversational, which is beneficial for engagement. However, it might come across as slightly informal at times for an academic essay. Striking a better balance between an approachable tone and formal clarity would enhance the scholarly nature of your work. This could involve switching out casual phrases for more academic vocabulary while still retaining a voice that respects your unique perspective.

Peer Feedback Reflection

In reviewing your peer's feedback, I noted several strengths. For instance, one peer effectively highlighted a strong opening that illuminated the core issues of your essay. This praise is important as it recognizes what you have done well, and your acknowledgment of impactful feedback can motivate both you and your classmates toward academic improvement. Peer reviewers can also help you find aspects of your essay that resonate strongly with readers, a valuable resource as you seek to refine your draft.

In conclusion, your essay has great potential, but room for improvement exists in areas such as clarity, thesis development, structural coherence, examples, and concluding insights. I hope these suggestions assist you as you revise your draft. Good luck!

References

• Beck, J. (2017). This Article Won’t Change Your Mind. The Atlantic.
• Bruns, A. (2019). Are Filter Bubbles Responsible for Our Information Crisis? Media International Australia.
• Sunstein, C. R. (2017). #Republic: Divided Democracy in the Age of Social Media. Princeton University Press.
• Lent, R. W. (2016). Career Counseling: A Holistic Approach. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.
• Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
• Frijda, N. H. (2016). The Emotions. Cambridge University Press.
• Fisher, B. J., & Zines, F. (2018). Intolerance in the Digital Age. Social Media + Society.
• Shapiro, J. (2019). Conspiracies in the Digital Age. Technology in Society.
• Hwang, H., & Kim, K. (2018). The Role of Social Media in Shaping Collective Identity and Political Action. Journal of Information Technology & Politics.
• Malcolm, D. (2015). Groupthink and Political Ideology. Psychological Science Agenda.