The Will To Change: Questions About Love Asked By Men Of All

The Will To Changequestions About Love Asked By Men Of All Ages In Our

The Will to Change questions about love asked by men of all ages in our culture. I write in response to questions about love asked me by the men I know most intimately who are still working to find their way back to the open-hearted, emotionally expressive selves they once were before they were told to silence their longings and close their hearts. The Will to Change is the offering I bring to the feast of male reclamation and recovery of self, of their emotional right to love and be loved. Women have believed that we could save the men in our lives by giving them love, that this love would serve as the cure for all the wounds inflicted by toxic assaults on their emotional systems, by the emotional heart attacks they undergo every day.

Women can share in this healing process. We can guide, instruct, observe, share information and skills, but we cannot do for boys and men what they must do for themselves. Our love helps, but it alone does not save boys or men. Ultimately boys and men save themselves when they learn the art of loving. Understanding Patriarchy is essential in this context. Patriarchy is the single most life-threatening social dis-ease assaulting the male body and spirit in our nation.

Yet most men do not use the word "patriarchy'' in everyday life. Most men never think about patriarchy—what it means, how it is created and sustained. Many men in our nation would not be able to spell the word or pronounce it correctly. The word "patriarchy'' just is not a part of their normal everyday thought or speech. Men who have heard and know the word usually associate it with women's liberation, with feminism, and therefore dismiss it as irrelevant to their own experiences.

I have been standing at podiums talking about patriarchy for more than thirty years. It is a word I use daily, and men who hear me use it often ask me what I mean by it. Nothing discounts the old antifeminist projection of men as all-powerful more than their basic ignorance of a major facet of the political system that shapes and informs male identity and sense of self from birth until death. I often use the phrase "imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy'' to describe the interlocking political systems that are the foundation of our nation's politics. Of these systems, the one that we all learn the most about belongs to those who have accepted unearned white privilege and must be willing to forego those rewards and stand in solidarity with those who are the most immediate victims of racist assault and domination.

Paper For Above instruction

The concept of masculinity within the framework of patriarchy has historically dictated how men perceive, express, and experience love, emotion, and vulnerability. Patriarchal structures promote ideals of strength, stoicism, and emotional suppression among men, which directly impact their capacity for authentic love and intimacy. Understanding the influence of patriarchy is crucial in addressing the emotional disconnection many men experience and in fostering a cultural shift towards open-heartedness and emotional authenticity.

Historically, patriarchal norms have reinforced the notion that men must embody toughness and emotional restraint to affirm their masculinity. From a young age, boys are socialized to suppress feelings deemed "weak" and to adopt behaviors that uphold their status within a hierarchical social order. This internalization of masculinity as emotional stoicism hampers their ability to engage in vulnerability, which is a fundamental component of genuine love. As men suppress their emotions, they often develop chronic stress, depression, and alienation, which hinder their capacity to form deep, meaningful relationships (Kimmel, 2018).

Furthermore, patriarchal power dynamics influence the way men relate to women and other men. Men are often conditioned to see love and emotional expression as signs of submission or weakness, rather than strength. This perspective prevents men from openly expressing affection or seeking emotional support, perpetuating cycles of isolation and emotional inarticulacy (Connell, 2005). Challenging these norms requires a conscious effort to deconstruct traditional masculinity and promote models of emotional expressiveness rooted in vulnerability, empathy, and reciprocity.

In this context, awareness of patriarchy's role in shaping male emotionalities allows for targeted interventions in education, therapy, and community programs. Promoting emotional literacy among boys and men can diminish toxic masculinity, reduce mental health disparities, and foster healthier relationships (Mahalik et al., 2003). For example, programs that encourage men to explore their feelings without shame, such as men's circles or emotion coaching, demonstrate promising results in expanding emotional capacities and improving relational skills (Brunell et al., 2010).

However, societal change also requires a collective acknowledgment of patriarchy's pervasive influence. Men must recognize how societal expectations have limited their authentic selves and adopt new ways of being that validate emotional vulnerability as a strength. Women's role in this process is vital; through shared understanding, guidance, and support, women can facilitate men's journey toward emotional openness. Nonetheless, it remains clear that men are ultimately responsible for their own emotional development and mastery of the art of loving.

Recognizing the pervasive influence of patriarchy is also essential in understanding broader issues of racial and economic justice. As Wendell Berry and other thinkers have noted, the exploitation of land, labor, and marginalized communities is fundamentally linked to patriarchal and imperialist ideologies. Challenging patriarchy involves not only promoting emotional openness but also confronting systemic inequalities that sustain dominance and suppression (hooks, 2000).

In conclusion, dismantling patriarchal norms and structures that inhibit authentic love requires a multifaceted approach rooted in education, cultural change, and personal responsibility. Men must reclaim their right to emotional expression as part of their inherent humanity, and women can support this reclamation through empathy and shared efforts. Ultimately, the path to genuine love and relational health begins with men acknowledging the influence of patriarchy and actively working to transcend its constraints, thereby fostering a more compassionate and emotionally connected society.

References

• Brunell, A. B., Hunter, R., & Tang, K. J. (2010). Men's emotional intelligence: Exploring the link between emotional intelligence and men's psychological well-being. Journal of Men's Studies, 18(2), 87-99.
• Connell, R. W. (2005). Gender and power: Society, the person, and sexual politics. Stanford University Press.
• hooks, bell. (2000). All about love: New visions. HarperCollins.
• Kimmel, M. (2018). Manhood in America: A cultural history. Oxford University Press.
• Mahalik, J. R., Good, G. E., & Englar-Carlson, M. (2003). Masculinity scripts, presenting concerns, and help seeking: Implications for practice and training. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 34(2), 123-131.