Use Your Feelings As Data In Our Major Tasks In Therapy

Use Your Own Feelings as Data ne of our major tasks in therapy is to pay attention to our immediate feelings-they represent precious data. If in the session you feel bored or irritated, confused, sexually aroused, or shut out by your patient, then regard that as valuable information. This is precisely why I so emphasize personal therapy for therapists. If you develop a deep knowl- edge of yourself, eliminate the majority of your blind spots, and have a good base of patient experience, you will begin to know how much of the boredom or confusion is yours and how much is evoked by the patient.

It is important to make that distinc- tion, because if it is the patient who evokes your boredom in the therapy hour, then we may confidently assume that he is boring to others in other settings. So rather than be dismayed at boredom, welcome it and search for a way to turn it to therapeutic advantage. When did it begin? What exactly does the patient do that bores you? When I encounter boredom I might say something like this: " I. i! ----.-.-- 66 THE GIFT OF THERAPY "Mary, let me tell you something. For the last several minutes 1 notice that I've been feeling disconnected from you, somewhat distanced. I'm not sure why, but I know I'm feeling different now than at the beginning of the session, when you were describing your feelings of not having gotten what you wanted from me, or last session, when you spoke more from the heart. I wonder, what is your level of connection to me today? Is your feeling sim- ilar to mine? Let's try to understand what's happening." Some years ago I treated Martin, a successful merchant, who had to take a business trip on the day of therapy and asked me to reschedule his hour to another day in the week. I couldn't arrange this without inconveniencing my schedule and told Martin we'd have to miss the session and meet at our reg- ular hour the following week. But later, as I thought about it, J realized I would not have hesitated to rearrange my schedule for any of my other patients. Why couldn't I do this for Martin? It was because I did not look forward to seeing him. There was something about his mean-spiritedness that had worn me down. He was unceas- ingly critical of me, my office furniture, the lack of parking, my secretary, my fee, and generally began sessions by referring to my errors of the previous week. My feeling worn down by Martin had vast implications. He had initially entered therapy because of a series of failed rela- tionships with women, none of whom, he thought, had ever given him enough-none was sufficiently forthcoming with her proper share of restaurant or grocery bills or birthday gifts equivalent in value to the ones he had given to them (his income, mind you, was several times greater than theirs). When they took trips together, he insisted that they each put the same amount of cash into a "travel jar," and all traveling expenses, including gasoline, parking, car maintenance, tips, even newspapers, be paid for out of travel-jar cash. Furthermore, he groused often because his girlfriends did not do their full share of driving, trip planning, or map reading. Eventually Martin's lack of generosity, his obsession with absolute fairness, and his relentless criticism wore out the women in his life. And he was doing exactly the same to me! It was a good example of a self-fulfilling prophecy-he so dreaded beinguncared for that his behavior brought that velY thing to pass. It was my recogni- tion of this process that permitted me to avoid responding crit- ically (that is, take it personally) but to realize this was a pattern that he had repeated many times and that he, at bottom, wanted to change.

Paper For Above instruction

Understanding and effectively utilizing one’s own feelings during therapy sessions is a vital skill for therapists, grounded in the philosophy that feelings are valuable data that can inform therapeutic progress and deepen self-awareness. This paper explores the importance of directly engaging with one’s immediate emotional responses, the distinction between feelings evoked by the patient versus one’s personal reactions, and practical strategies for therapists to incorporate here-and-now feedback into their practice.

Firstly, therapists must develop a keen awareness of their feelings during sessions, recognizing emotions such as boredom, irritation, confusion, sexual arousal, or feelings of detachment as sources of essential information. As highlighted by Rogers (1961), authentic presence and awareness on the therapist’s part facilitate genuine understanding and attunement to the patient’s process. When a therapist feels bored or disconnected, these reactions often serve as signals indicating a potential issue within the therapeutic relationship or the patient’s material. For instance, in a case where boredom occurs, the therapist might observe, “Mary, let me tell you something. For the last several minutes, I notice I’ve been feeling disconnected from you, somewhat distanced. I wonder what that’s about for you?” This transparent acknowledgment focuses on the therapist’s experience while inviting the patient to explore shared feelings, thus fostering connection and insight.

Secondly, distinguishing between feelings evoked by the patient and those arising from the therapist’s own history or biases is key. Klein (1959) advocates for self-awareness and personal therapy, enabling therapists to identify their blind spots and prevent projective reactions. For example, as illustrated with the case of Martin, a merchant whose criticism and lack of generosity affected the therapist’s attitude, recognizing one’s emotional response to a patient’s behavior can prevent reactive or biased responses. The therapist’s acknowledgment that his feelings of being worn down were a pattern rooted in past experiences allowed for a non-judgmental stance and a focus on understanding the pattern behind the reaction (Gabbard, 2004).

Thirdly, the practice of language and framing is fundamental for constructive here-and-now feedback. Feedback should be delivered gently, emphasizing feelings rather than accusations. For example, instead of labeling the patient as “boring,” a therapist might say, “I feel distanced,” which communicates internal experience without blame. Such framing minimizes defensiveness and promotes openness (Wachtel, 1994). Moreover, the timing of intervention matters: some feelings can be explored immediately, while others are better postponed for a future session. For instance, intense emotion like tears might be better revisited later when the client feels more grounded and less defensive (Norcross & Lambert, 2011).

In addition to verbal feedback, therapists are encouraged to routinely incorporate the practice of checking into the therapeutic process. Subtle questions such as “Let’s take a moment to see how we’re doing today” or “What’s going on in this space between us?” serve as ongoing reflective tools that can identify emerging issues and foster transparency. Early sessions are particularly important for setting norms, clarifying expectations, and understanding patient motivations for seeking therapy (Egan, 2013). Establishing an open, collaborative atmosphere from the outset encourages honest dialogue and facilitates the identification of here-and-now dynamics.

In conclusion, therapists’ attentiveness to their own feelings and the skillful communication of these experiences significantly enhance therapeutic efficacy. Recognizing feelings as valuable data, distinguishing reactive from evocative responses, and employing careful framing foster a therapeutic environment grounded in authenticity and mutual understanding. As Rogers (1961) asserts, genuine presence combined with intentional here-and-now engagement paves the way for meaningful change in the therapeutic process. Continuous self-monitoring and reflective practice are indispensable tools for clinicians aiming to maximize the therapeutic potential of each session.

References

• Gabbard, G. O. (2004). Psychodynamic approaches to personality disorders. American Psychiatric Publishing.
• Egan, G. (2013). The skilled helper: A problem-management and opportunity-development approach to helping. Brooks/Cole.
• Klein, M. (1959). Notes on some schizoid mechanisms. In M. Klein, Envy and gratitude and other works, 1946-1963. Vintage.
• Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2011). Evidence-based therapy relationships. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 5-8.
• Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
• Wachtel, P. L. (1994). The exploratory arts: An approach to psychotherapy. Guilford Press.
• Gabbard, G. O. (2004). Psychodynamic approaches to personality disorders. American Psychiatric Publishing.